NOBODY DOES IT BETTER

CJ Has A Chocolate Affaire in Glendale, Arizona.

I get more than my share of offers to do personal appearances and book signings. You may find a taller guy or one with younger abs to do the "meet and greets", but you will not find anybody in this business who knows the romance industry better or has been at it longer. And, if I may steal a line from a Carly Simon song "nobody does it better" than I do". Having said that, I also have to say I do have to turn down a lot of offers because I am expected to fly myself to the event and put myself up in a hotel, all at my own expense. Everyone at these charitable functions seems to be making money but me. I have always said it takes a lot of money to look this cheap! I love to do them, but most of the time it just isn't financially possible.

A few weeks ago my old friend and great author, Jennifer Ashley asked me if I would be interested in doing the annual Chocolate Affaire in Glendale, Arizona, during Super Bowl weekend. A group of romance authors from RWA would be there for a book signing and seminars. Jennifer suggested me to the city of Glendale saying they needed some testosterone at the 2-day event. Before I knew it, I would be sending them a contract for my services.

The morning I was to fly out of Akron, Ohio we were hit with an ice storm. As I stood there by myself at the Frontier Airlines ticket counter at 5:30am for my 6:20am flight, a guy finally came out to say, "Oh, we tried to call you! Your flight was canceled..." I was alone in line and said, "Obviously NOT because I'm here!" They did manage to contact everyone else on the flight, though. The less than helpful Frontier employee added they had me on a flight at 7:00pm that night. I would miss my first full day of the event.

I called my contact at the city of Glendale, who was very understanding. She said they still wanted me and were holding my reserved hotel room. No easy fete Super Bowl weekend! My plane landed in Phoenix at 1:30am Saturday morning. A long day for me since I'd been up since 4:00am on Friday, Ohio time.

My wake-up call for 8:30am never came the next morning, but luckily I brought my own alarm clock, just in case. Luckily once again, I brought my own blow dryer because the one in my room didn't work! And, you KNOW I have to have one of those! Take away my civil rights, but don't take my blow dryer! (Note to self: ALWAYS take an alarm clock and a spare blow dryer in the future!)

I made my way to the Chocolate Affaire, which was sponsored by a huge candy company in the city. It was more like a big festival. There I was schlepping my way through the throngs of people looking for my tent, when I heard a woman yell "Hey, I saw your picture!" I smiled and waved, thinking she saw one of my covers some place. Then, another woman yelled, "You have beautiful eyes!" I told her I would tell my mother since she has the same eyes, but was still scratching my head. At that moment I looked up to see some incredibly large photos of me the city had blown up to publicize my appearance. "Well, that explains everything!" I thought.

The city also provided me with photos to sign. People started lining up almost immediately. I didn't get as many Fabio comments as I was expecting and the fans were extremely nice. I loved it when a husband would bring over a seemingly shy wife to take a picture. At first the wife would hem and haw, but then would always relent. Of course, first she would whip her coat off, fix her hair and then, cop a feel off my chest in the photo. I am really good at coaxing people who want to take picture, but are afraid to ask. That's what I was there for after all.

There was a woman in a wheel chair whose legs had been amputated and wanted me to take a photo with her really beautiful 5 year old daughter. The child was having none of it. I said, "Well, I'll just take a picture with your mommy then...." The mother said, "Oh, you don't want a picture with ME!" I said, "Ahhh, Of course I do! And watch this!" Before you know it, the little girl came over and stood next to her mother and the father snapped the photo. I proved that day that I was smarter than a 5 year old.

I stood there smiling and greeting the people for 11 hours straight. I didn't take a break because I did miss a whole day. I'm funny that way and want people to get their money's worth. One woman came up to me an asked, "Do you wake up happy every morning because you're so beautiful?" I laughed and said, "Anymore, I'm just happy to wake up!"

Most of my afternoon was spent in conversation with fans filling them in on the romance industry, which has been pretty good to me. I spent a good while talking to a woman who said "Thanks so much for talking to me! I can't believe you're so nice!" Not sure what the public perception of me is, but I did hear that a lot that day. There were also many timid people who took photos from 50 feet away that I had to persuade to come closer for a better shot. The back of my head isn't my best side, in my opinion.

Jennifer Ashely's supportive husband, Forrest did tell me "I've seen you do this a million times and you're better at it than anyone! Everybody gets a picture and you will wait to make sure everyone gets their shot!"

Not long after that I had a gaggle of giggly and gawky teenage girls engulf me. I slyly made my way to back behind my autograph table to give me more control over the situation. After they left an author who saw the incident said "That was pretty slick how you handled that..." All in a day's work....

After standing for hours in the Arizona sun, it finally set, leaving my cheeks with a nice rosy glow. Then it started to get a little nippy, and everyone around me put on their winter coats. It couldn't have been more than 50 degrees, which isn't that cold by Ohio standards. One of the security cops stopped me bare chested in shirtsleeves and asked, "Man, aren't you cold?" I just laughed and said, "I just came from an ice storm. This is nothing!"

Right next to where I was signing was the Glendale Civic Center. They were having a pre-Super Bowl party. P.Diddy and Christina Aguilera were supposed to be in attendance. I sent my regrets.( Sorry P. and Chris, maybe next year!)

I flew home Sunday morning BEFORE the Super Bowl even started. It's not like I had tickets anyway. Made it home exhausted at 7:00pm and stood waiting for my luggage that never showed up. The woman with the airlines said, "Good news Mr. Hollenbach! We didn't lose your luggage. They just didn't put it on the plane...so, we do know where it is....It's just not here!" Somehow that did make me feel better and it seemed like a fitting end to this weekend.

Was just asked to do another appearance in Oklahoma in March. Has anyone seen my alarm clock?

Many thanks to Kim Larson and Heidi McCarthy of the City of Glendale, Arizona. You were one of the most professional groups I have ever worked for and it was my pleasure. Also thank you to Jennifer Ashley for suggesting me and all the authors of the Arizona RWA.