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Columbus Discovers CJ
By CJ Hollenbach
| It's hard to believe that another Romantic Times Magazine Convention has already come and gone. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was packing that God awful avocado green suitcase of mine heading for Orlando. This year the convention was held in my backyard, Columbus, Ohio, only a 2 hour drive away. Since I was driving this year that meant I could literally bring everything I own without having to worry about paying for extra luggage on the plane. I had one suitcase for shoes alone and another one for costumes...and what costumes they were! My hotel was not the hotel where the convention was being held. Mine was about a mile or so away which tended to complicate my life that week. I walked to the convention hotel several times a day and sometimes in boots that definitely weren't made for walkin'. Driving and re-paying to park was just too much trouble. I learned that Columbus was the # 2 city in the US for conventions, which would also complicate my life that week. The first night's opening party was sponsored by Ellora's Cave Publishing. It's their 10th anniversary in business and they've asked me to appear on a commemorative novel cover this year written by best selling author/company owner and the founder of "romantica" genre, Jaid Black. The company has also asked me to be their honored guest at their fall convention in Ohio. This year everybody was supposed to wear red. I spent the evening posing for photos. I made my way to the restroom when the party ended to fix my braid before I went on the "Mad Hatter" party. There I was in tight, black leather pants, (I've worn tighter ones!) a form fitting red shirt standing at the men's room mirror. Some drunken pip sqweak from a car convention looks me up and down and says "Who YOU s'posed to be?!" I fought the urge to snap his little, liquored up neck like a pencil while answering, "YOUR worst nightmare...." and left. Not long after that I ran into my convention roommate and fellow cover model, Terry Terranova who hails from Texas. He told me he was talking to some drunk in the bar who said he just ran into some freak in the restroom with a 3 foot ponytail. Terry said "Had to be YOU!" I laughed. He did add that he set the idiot straight and assured the lush that despite the hair I was a pretty cool guy. We cover models have to stick together. It's in the rule book (Page 34, 3rd paragraph). The next day I was interviewed and filmed for a documentary film on the romance industry. The interviewer loved my "inside" stories and made a point of showing off that now infamous 3 foot long, blonde ponytail. Although, I think it's been infamous for quite some time much to many people's chargrin. I hope I didn't throw too many people under the bus in the anticdotes of my many years in the business. I do know where a lot of the bodies are buried. Later that afternoon I was ushered into the awards ceremony where they give authors, old and new their "due". Roommate Terry was supposed to be helping escort the authors to and from the stage. There I was standing in a sleeveless shirt and tight jeans when somebody in charge said, "You can't wear THAT!" I was bewildered. Then, somebody else chimmed in with, "What's wrong? He always looks like THAT!" I quickly found out that I would also be escorting the authors as soon as I changed, ME, being the last to know. Luckily(?) for me Terry and I have almost the exact same wardrobe. He said he would run back to the hotel and get me a shirt. When I told him which shirt I wanted his face sort of grimaced. He planned on wearing the exact same shirt I wanted him to bring me only in brown. What were the chances? Time was running out and I did wonder why I couldn't have just gone with him back to the hotel. Somebody insisted that I wear a shirt from one of the other models staying at that hotel. I went to his room and was handed a "Tommy Bahama" shirt that looked like a tent on me. Did I mention it was ugly too? Terry did show up in the nick of time with my shirt complete with sleeves. I did get a see all the famous authors up close. I was surprised to see mega-huge author, Barbara Taylor-Bradford. Don't ask me why, but there I was standing by the stage escorting the authors only to see Terry waving at me from the back of the room...and laughing! Well, I did get to see everything. Directly following the ceremony was a champagne reception to celebrate RT's new website. Free champagne and I'm there. I did more than my share passing out the bubbly to authors and conventioneers alike. I will admit I had my fair share too. Terry came over to me as the party was ending and asked if I had a costume for that night's "Fairy Ball". Well, DUH! He didn't. The theme of the ball was "earth signs", air, fire, water. Terry insisted on being "air" for some reason, but had absolutely nothing to make a costume with. I had a "Scarlett O'Hara" moment and looked down at one of the tables that had a sheer blue fabric covering the white tablecloth."We can use this!" I said. Terry looked a little puzzled. I said "Trust me, this will work...." It took 3 minutes in our hotel room and a pair of scissors and he had a pretty damn good costume. We also wrapped one of my silver necklaces around his head and wah-lah..."AIR!" My incredible "fire" costume was made for me for the "Fairy Ball" by Mary Everett. I added the wings. Who knew they even made "fire wings", but when I saw them in the costume shop I had to buy them. For those you not in the know, you're supposed to wings to this event. At the last minute I went to the thrift store and bought some boots that I sprayed painted red using my old car's touch-up paint. For some reason I ALWAYS get comments on my footwear at these parties. People are still asking me about my sparkley sandals that I wore with my King Neptune outfit at the Pittsburgh convention.(FYI, I got them at K-Mart!) I also recycled my trident from that outfit and turned it into a devil's pitchfork by painting it red too...same car paint! Those damn boots were a huge hit! I was late getting to the ball painting my face yellow and red and spraying my hair with matching colored hair spray. There I was walking through the streets of downtown Columbus looking like an escapee from some kind of twisted WWF show. I have to say the people I encountered were very nice. Some asked me to pose for photos without even asking WHY I looked like that. Of course, I obliged. Am I a pro or what? Before I went into the ballroom I went the restroom to don my wings. Imagine my horror when one of the elastic straps broke and the left wing just flopped over my shoulder. I don't think I've ever sworn that loudly in my life! God must have been watching over me because 2 seconds later this guy comes in with his 4 year old daughter. I'm sure the poor child his now traumatized for life seeing the devil himself in the men's room. The man was standing at the urinal when I said "Hey, by the way you're helping me with these wings when you're finished!" I didn't want to ask, giving him the chance to say "NO!" He said "OK, give me a minute...." I said "Take your time!" I looked down at his terrified daughter who started yelling "Mommy! Mommy!" I can't say as I blame her. Her dad, the good Samaritan fixed those damn wings in record time and I was out of there. I entered the "best costume" contest determined to win something for all my efforts. As always there was some very stiff competition. I've never seen so many contestants. They handed me the microphone as I walked across the stage to be judged. I said I thought I deserved a prize for walking through downtown Columbus in that outfit. Alas, I was first runner-up in the "most creative" category. I'm sorry, I was robbed! I also should have been given an award for washing all that colored crap out of my hair at 1 AM when I finally got back to my hotel room. Some of the conventioneers had asked me to come to the bar after the ball but figured I might attract a little too much unwanted attention with my 3 feet of hair spray painted yellow, orange and red. So, I begged off.... The director of the documentary film called me and asked if we could film some more. Since I have always been able to talk the leg off a chair I consented. (Can you win an Oscar for being in a documentary film?) I'm preparing a speech just in case. Friday night was author's Helen Rosburg and Heather Graham's "Vampire Ball" and once again I was in costume, wearing yet another Mary Everett creation. This time I was to be " The King Of The Vampires", but I think I looked more like "American Idol's" second runner-up, Adam Lambert. I wore a short, black wig. It gets a little daunting being the guy with all the blonde hair. So, I try to change things up when I can. The shorter, dark hair was well received. Maybe a little too well received. Also being well received were my too tight blue tights. I was told more than once I should probably pull my vest down, but that was ALWAYS after their photos were taken.(Check the internet for the revealing evidence!) The next day Terry and I made our way back to the convention's book fair. I was dressed rather conservatively for me in a dark purple, long sleeved shirt with my hair pulled back in a tight braid. As we were walking through downtown cars started honking and people were yelling. A trucker in a big rig slowed down and laid on his horn, rolled his window down waving to us with a huge grin. Terry said "You KNOW that's all because of YOU don't you?!" I asked him why he thought that since he was walking right next to me. I mean it could have been for him. He said with his Texas drawl, "It's because you ain't normal! You think you are but you ain't!" I did get what he meant and it's hard to be offended when he talks with that accent. I did understand. I just never did get all the fuss... Saturday afternoon was the "Mr. Romance" contest. There were only 6 contestants in the pageant. I remembered almost 20 years ago when I was in the first contest there were over 40 guys vying for that title. Downsizing is everywhere these days. I picked the guy to win earlier in the week and he won. Go figure. He was a fellow Ohio boy, Jamie Ungaro, with my old hairstyle from high school. No good will come of that, my friend! That night was the final party of the convention. That night's theme was the "prom". I was appropriately dressed in a tuxedo. Having been to 4 proms in my life, I know the drill. Also on the prom court and once escorted the queen, but I digress. Ironically enough there was a real high school prom in the next ballroom. Even more odd, I ran into one of the chaperones in the lobby who used to workout at my gym in Akron. Small world. A lot of photos and vodka later it was the next morning. Terry and I both awoke with nasty hangovers. We packed as quickly as we could and I forgot my fire wings. The hotel is supposed to reimburse me for them since they threw them out! I even called later that day about them. Not happy about that. (At this writing I'm still waiting for the check and I have called that hotel no less than 9 times!) I couldn't believe that the week had gone by so quickly. I drove back with a headache and went directly to the gym. I have a cover/calendar shoot coming up soon. So, there is no rest for the wicked. Next
year's convention is in Los Angeles, my old stomping grounds.
I hope to look up old friends Greta Garbo and Wallace Berry
while I'm there. GG told me once she wanted to "be left
alone", but I'm never one to listen. Haven't heard from
Tyrone Power in ages either! Facebook me TY!
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